Heavy to Carry

Four days out of the week lately
I end up back at this chair
Same cold coffee on the table
Same tight jaw, same wired stare

Hands curled up like I’m climbing
Something only I can see
Heart still racing like I’m cornered
In a room that lets me be

This anger’s so heavy to carry
It never was a free ride
I’ve been gripping tight to this fire
Like it’s what keeps me alive

But it’s wearing through my body
Even I can’t miss the signs
This anger’s so heavy to carry
And it’s climbing up my spine

Used to call this being ready
Used to laugh it off as drive
Told myself that staying angry
Was the reason I’m alive

But the doubt’s been getting louder
Like a stone inside my shoe
Every step I take around it
Grinds another piece right through

This anger’s so heavy to carry
It never was a free ride
I’ve been gripping tight to this fire
Like it’s what keeps me alive

But it’s wearing through my body
Even I can’t miss the signs
This anger’s so heavy to carry
And it’s climbing up my spine

When it’s burning, there’s no choosing
By the time I feel the heat
Mouth is moving, hands are flying
Whole body up out of its seat

Only after comes the moment
Where the question waits in place
Do you suit back up in anger
Or sit shaking in this space?

This anger’s so heavy to carry
And I’ve dragged it all these years
Called it backbone, called it armor
Now it’s mostly weight and fear

I am so tired of this hardness
So worn down keeping this pace
This anger’s so heavy to carryokay
And I’m getting tired of the race

Four days out of the week lately
I can see what this has cost
All this hardness that I carry
Isn’t strength, it’s just what’s lost